Posts Tagged ‘sexuality’

Commitment without suffocating my freedom

September 17, 2016

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Commitment without suffocating my freedom

Source: red lip stick project
Commitment without suffocating my freedom

This was originally written by the smart and sexy women at Red Lipstick Project.

We all want one of two things from our relationships.

We either want freedom or commitment.

In many partnerships, one person needs one and the other wants the opposite. You can see where this would be problematic.

The push/pull between the two dynamics can seem irreconcilable.

It’s not.

Freedom can mean different things to different people. It might mean freedom to be yourself without judgement, freedom to travel at the drop of a hat, freedom to explore taboo sexual desires, or the freedom to just speak your mind without constantly second guessing yourself.

If you think freedom means getting what you want, when and how you want it – then you’re right. That’s unmanageable. Take a minute to figure out what it is about freedom that you reeeaaally actually want.

People who crave freedom often believe they can only have if outside a committed relationship.

Commitment is more solidly defined by our society. It typically means having an agreement that binds you to another person. It means exclusivity, love, trust, honesty, openness, or some other agreed-upon behavior. We often assume it includes sexual monogamy.

As committed relationship-ers, we spend time, money, and emotional energy to build strong walls around our commitment. We think building commitment means shutting out things that we want, but can’t or shouldn’t have.

We have to trade our freedoms to prove our love and commitment over and over. It’s the price we pay for the security of knowing we won’t be alone forever.

I can’t believe this is true.

I want total freedom AND I want to feel secure in a completely committed and loving relationship.

I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

I see couples who have figured this out. I know people who have both.

I’ve recognized the glue that makes both of those things work together. It makes you capable of committing to a longterm relationship, marriage even, without sacrificing any of the freedoms you enjoyed as a single woman-about-town.

I know couples who let their personal curiosity, adventure and spontaneity rule their relationships and watched how it’s brought them together more than it pushed them apart.

They have trust.

In each other and in themselves. They trust that their partner isn’t going to leave them if they speak up about something, travel for a few weeks or introduce some freaky sexual desires.

They trust themselves to know that compromising on logistics and personal priorities won’t mean they lose their sense of Self.

They don’t see making compromises or even sacrifices as conflicting with their own freedom.

They accept that there are times when they’ll need to listen to their partner’s kinks and priorities and desires without judging them and threatening to leave. Which is harder than it sounds.

You have to be willing to say “that’s interesting – we can figure this out!� and then actually figure it out.

It starts by taking longer than usual to find a partner who shares your ideals of freedom. You can’t jump into a relationship with the first person who says “you’re beautiful�. You have to be willing to get into and out of committed relationships often. Leaving a relationship too early is better than too late. You leave with both your freedom and your relationship-optimism in tact.

Then get honest with yourself. Understand which side of the freedom/commitment coin comes most naturally.

Admit you’ve got room to grow. Maybe you’ve been chasing commitment as a serial monogamist who can’t define what freedom feels like. Maybe you’re after total freedom as a nomad who’s Tinder-ed their way through relationships but has never seen one through.

Embrace either freedom or commitment, whichever scares the crap out of you.

You get to freedom through embracing commitment.

You get to real long-term commitment through allowing yourself to be free.

The post Commitment without suffocating my freedom appeared first on Red Lipstick Project.


$excerpt:n
Commitment without suffocating my freedom

Source: red lip stick project
Commitment without suffocating my freedom

This was originally written by the smart and sexy women at Red Lipstick Project.

We all want one of two things from our relationships.

We either want freedom or commitment.

In many partnerships, one person needs one and the other wants the opposite. You can see where this would be problematic.

The push/pull between the two dynamics can seem irreconcilable.

It’s not.

Freedom can mean different things to different people. It might mean freedom to be yourself without judgement, freedom to travel at the drop of a hat, freedom to explore taboo sexual desires, or the freedom to just speak your mind without constantly second guessing yourself.

If you think freedom means getting what you want, when and how you want it – then you’re right. That’s unmanageable. Take a minute to figure out what it is about freedom that you reeeaaally actually want.

People who crave freedom often believe they can only have if outside a committed relationship.

Commitment is more solidly defined by our society. It typically means having an agreement that binds you to another person. It means exclusivity, love, trust, honesty, openness, or some other agreed-upon behavior. We often assume it includes sexual monogamy.

As committed relationship-ers, we spend time, money, and emotional energy to build strong walls around our commitment. We think building commitment means shutting out things that we want, but can’t or shouldn’t have.

We have to trade our freedoms to prove our love and commitment over and over. It’s the price we pay for the security of knowing we won’t be alone forever.

I can’t believe this is true.

I want total freedom AND I want to feel secure in a completely committed and loving relationship.

I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

I see couples who have figured this out. I know people who have both.

I’ve recognized the glue that makes both of those things work together. It makes you capable of committing to a longterm relationship, marriage even, without sacrificing any of the freedoms you enjoyed as a single woman-about-town.

I know couples who let their personal curiosity, adventure and spontaneity rule their relationships and watched how it’s brought them together more than it pushed them apart.

They have trust.

In each other and in themselves. They trust that their partner isn’t going to leave them if they speak up about something, travel for a few weeks or introduce some freaky sexual desires.

They trust themselves to know that compromising on logistics and personal priorities won’t mean they lose their sense of Self.

They don’t see making compromises or even sacrifices as conflicting with their own freedom.

They accept that there are times when they’ll need to listen to their partner’s kinks and priorities and desires without judging them and threatening to leave. Which is harder than it sounds.

You have to be willing to say “that’s interesting – we can figure this out!� and then actually figure it out.

It starts by taking longer than usual to find a partner who shares your ideals of freedom. You can’t jump into a relationship with the first person who says “you’re beautiful�. You have to be willing to get into and out of committed relationships often. Leaving a relationship too early is better than too late. You leave with both your freedom and your relationship-optimism in tact.

Then get honest with yourself. Understand which side of the freedom/commitment coin comes most naturally.

Admit you’ve got room to grow. Maybe you’ve been chasing commitment as a serial monogamist who can’t define what freedom feels like. Maybe you’re after total freedom as a nomad who’s Tinder-ed their way through relationships but has never seen one through.

Embrace either freedom or commitment, whichever scares the crap out of you.

You get to freedom through embracing commitment.

You get to real long-term commitment through allowing yourself to be free.

The post Commitment without suffocating my freedom appeared first on Red Lipstick Project.


$excerpt:n
Commitment without suffocating my freedom
sexuality
commitment, freedom, longterm relationship, love, Relationships, Sex
#Sexuality
#commitment, #freedom, #longtermrelationship, #love, #Relationships, #Sex
emily
MeetBaBa An Open Blog for Open Minded Readers

Source: red lip stick project
Commitment without suffocating my freedom

This was originally written by the smart and sexy women at Red Lipstick Project.
We all want one of two things from our relationships.
We either want freedom or commitment.
In many partnerships, one person …

This Post Is Copied from http://www.meetbaba.com Visit This link for me interesting Stuff.

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How to stop dating all the wrong people

September 17, 2016

This Post Is Copied from http://www.meetbaba.com Visit This link for more interesting Stuff News, Games, Download, Movies, Videos Humor etc etc any thing you can imagine off.

How to stop dating all the wrong people

Source: red lip stick project
How to stop dating all the wrong people

This was originally written by the smart and sexy women at Red Lipstick Project.

We’ve all been there. When the “newly single” excitement wears off and we realize we still have our old bad habits. The realization happens after dating two or three shitty people in a row that all seemed “different” but all ended up exactly the same.

We don’t notice it until we’re sitting with our friends having literally the exact same conversation about needing “someone who has their shit together” or “someone who isn’t scared of commitment” two weeks in a row about two different people. You know it’s bad when your bestie stops you midsentence to ask “Wait are you still talking about Jake or David?  yikes.

So we sit down and write a list of the things we really need in a relationship. What does a great partner look like. Maybe we might create a list of “How I want to feel in a relationship” for the more evolved women. I have a notebook full of these lists.

(Hopefully – after reading this you’ll never want to do that again.)

Relationships fail when we create rules and expectations. Those rules are often disguised as “needs” and “wants”. Don’t worry – there’s a better way to get to the same result.

  • I want someone creative
  • I need someone who loves me unconditionally
  • I need to feel fully supported
  • I need someone who’s open and honest
  • I need someone who deals with my crazy family
  • etc.

Without these rules we feel like we would let someone walk all over us, take advantage of our love and break our heart. It’s a well-meaning effort to find a relationship that is healthy and fulfilling. But it isn’t fixing the real issue.

The problem isn’t that you can’t trust other people. It’s that you don’t trust yourself.

We create these rules to ensure that we don’t let bad relationships slip past the gatekeepers of common sense and rationality when we are caught up in the throbbing chemistry experiment of new love.

But common sense and rationality aren’t the voices you need to listen to. They work with the information that they. That info often says “there’s no reason NOT to date this guy, I guess”.

It’s your intuition that’s always spot on. It can see and feel things that won’t become rational for another six months.

Too many people beat themselves up by asking “How could I have not known? or “Why was I such a blind idiot?” “How did I miss all the red flags?” Because the flags didn’t show up for a year and a half. It’s not your fault for not seeing them.

The better question is “Why didn’t I listen to my intuition?”

We listen to our rational brain and it fails us, but our intuition is always right. ALWAYS.

We have been trained to analyze every interaction and text conversation to make sure the relationship is “working”. We need to justify that sense that things “just doesn’t feel right”. Why? There’s no need to overanalyze when you trust that your gut feels something you can’t see (yet).

Everything changes when you start listening to your gut intuition and start acting intelligently – not just rationally. Emotional intelligence is saying:

“this guy is amazing on paper – he checks all the boxes on my list – but he feels kind of dodgy. I’m out. No explanation needed.”

I believe having a list of criteria is important. But not a list of rules that a relationship needs to follow. A list of promises that you make and keep for yourself.

The way to build self-confidence and self-trust is to make small promises to yourself. And keep them!

Seriously, fortheloveofgod, keep those promises.

Here are a couple of my most recent promises to myself.

I promise:

  • not to date anyone who relies on texting to communicate – call me, yo.
  • to occasionally question my assumptions
  • to always make my own plans for life and then be flexible to fit with someone else’s
  • to never prioritize convenience over awesomeness
  • to accept that I can’t fix everything
  • to say things that are awkward
  • to say things that are important even if they hurt feelings
  • to ask myself “is this really important” before nagging. And to nag if the answer is “yes”.
  • to expect better sex. And ask for it in detail.
  • to say “i don’t know”
  • to accept that not everyone needs to get along
  • to know the difference between being hurt and not getting my way
  • to love myself first
  • to get out of a relationship early
  • to get back in a relationship if it was right
  • to surround myself with people and things that make me feel
  • to eat chocolate even when I feel chubby
  • to take responsibility for my own life

The post How to stop dating all the wrong people appeared first on Red Lipstick Project.


$excerpt:n
How to stop dating all the wrong people

Source: red lip stick project
How to stop dating all the wrong people

This was originally written by the smart and sexy women at Red Lipstick Project.

We’ve all been there. When the “newly single” excitement wears off and we realize we still have our old bad habits. The realization happens after dating two or three shitty people in a row that all seemed “different” but all ended up exactly the same.

We don’t notice it until we’re sitting with our friends having literally the exact same conversation about needing “someone who has their shit together” or “someone who isn’t scared of commitment” two weeks in a row about two different people. You know it’s bad when your bestie stops you midsentence to ask “Wait are you still talking about Jake or David?  yikes.

So we sit down and write a list of the things we really need in a relationship. What does a great partner look like. Maybe we might create a list of “How I want to feel in a relationship” for the more evolved women. I have a notebook full of these lists.

(Hopefully – after reading this you’ll never want to do that again.)

Relationships fail when we create rules and expectations. Those rules are often disguised as “needs” and “wants”. Don’t worry – there’s a better way to get to the same result.

  • I want someone creative
  • I need someone who loves me unconditionally
  • I need to feel fully supported
  • I need someone who’s open and honest
  • I need someone who deals with my crazy family
  • etc.

Without these rules we feel like we would let someone walk all over us, take advantage of our love and break our heart. It’s a well-meaning effort to find a relationship that is healthy and fulfilling. But it isn’t fixing the real issue.

The problem isn’t that you can’t trust other people. It’s that you don’t trust yourself.

We create these rules to ensure that we don’t let bad relationships slip past the gatekeepers of common sense and rationality when we are caught up in the throbbing chemistry experiment of new love.

But common sense and rationality aren’t the voices you need to listen to. They work with the information that they. That info often says “there’s no reason NOT to date this guy, I guess”.

It’s your intuition that’s always spot on. It can see and feel things that won’t become rational for another six months.

Too many people beat themselves up by asking “How could I have not known? or “Why was I such a blind idiot?” “How did I miss all the red flags?” Because the flags didn’t show up for a year and a half. It’s not your fault for not seeing them.

The better question is “Why didn’t I listen to my intuition?”

We listen to our rational brain and it fails us, but our intuition is always right. ALWAYS.

We have been trained to analyze every interaction and text conversation to make sure the relationship is “working”. We need to justify that sense that things “just doesn’t feel right”. Why? There’s no need to overanalyze when you trust that your gut feels something you can’t see (yet).

Everything changes when you start listening to your gut intuition and start acting intelligently – not just rationally. Emotional intelligence is saying:

“this guy is amazing on paper – he checks all the boxes on my list – but he feels kind of dodgy. I’m out. No explanation needed.”

I believe having a list of criteria is important. But not a list of rules that a relationship needs to follow. A list of promises that you make and keep for yourself.

The way to build self-confidence and self-trust is to make small promises to yourself. And keep them!

Seriously, fortheloveofgod, keep those promises.

Here are a couple of my most recent promises to myself.

I promise:

  • not to date anyone who relies on texting to communicate – call me, yo.
  • to occasionally question my assumptions
  • to always make my own plans for life and then be flexible to fit with someone else’s
  • to never prioritize convenience over awesomeness
  • to accept that I can’t fix everything
  • to say things that are awkward
  • to say things that are important even if they hurt feelings
  • to ask myself “is this really important” before nagging. And to nag if the answer is “yes”.
  • to expect better sex. And ask for it in detail.
  • to say “i don’t know”
  • to accept that not everyone needs to get along
  • to know the difference between being hurt and not getting my way
  • to love myself first
  • to get out of a relationship early
  • to get back in a relationship if it was right
  • to surround myself with people and things that make me feel
  • to eat chocolate even when I feel chubby
  • to take responsibility for my own life

The post How to stop dating all the wrong people appeared first on Red Lipstick Project.


$excerpt:n
How to stop dating all the wrong people
sexuality
bad relationships, Dating, Relationships, self confidence, self trust
#Sexuality
#badrelationships, #Dating, #Relationships, #selfconfidence, #selftrust
emily
MeetBaBa An Open Blog for Open Minded Readers

Source: red lip stick project
How to stop dating all the wrong people

This was originally written by the smart and sexy women at Red Lipstick Project.
We’ve all been there. When the “newly single” excitement wears off and we realize we still have our old bad habits. The realiza…

This Post Is Copied from http://www.meetbaba.com Visit This link for me interesting Stuff.


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